The Gaming Den

Sometimes everything totally can go wrong.

Now, to start things off, I suffer from depression which my meds just about keep in check. That is to say, it boosts my Seratonin levels so that I can, by expending the effort, more or less function as a normal person. Except for the chronic back pain, of course, but that's what prescription narcotics are for (yeah, I finally found some doctors who take me seriously - it seems not all doctors go "Oh, this person has depression, it's all in the head". Even if one of the good doctors did, within 1 minute of seeing me, suggest that I have Asperger's).

But there is a bit of a problem the meds can't fix: if the smallest thing goes wrong, I get strongly affected. Physically (I just about can't get out of bed if it's too cold, and too cold does not involve snow for me) and mentally. Indeed, the latter especially. It can put me out of action for several days if I don't rapidly do something to alter my mood (luckily, I was assured by a doctor that occasionally taking a high dose of codeine for that purpose is safe and that won't make me an addict as long as it is occasional. He also said he'd prescribe heroin if it was legal, though. I think I might like this doctor even more than Frank).

So I've been doing poorly in Chem. I just can't figure this shit out. Titration, balancing equations, conversions, chromatography... you name it, really. The last two pracs I did the practical part fine (after all, the sheet of paper tells you step-by-step how to do it), but had no fucking clue how to work out the math behind it to determine what the final concentration or mass or whatever was. Likewise I could not for the life of me, without the assistance of Google, tell you what a Potassium Cyanide molecule looks like (that said, I CAN tell you how it kills you. I'm not so bad at the more "real" stuff).

So we got the results back yesterday for our tests. I got ~11/60, which is a little worse than I expected. I just really don't know this shit, and seem unable to learn/memorise it. I was pretty miserable. So we started with another test. I did what I could... 15 minutes of stuff... then handed it in and just went home.

Now we have the dilemma. On the one hand, I don't actually have to pass Chem (or Bio for that matter, but I'm doing okay in that) to get into the Uni course I want, merely have done it - and as a mature age student I'll be sitting the general knowledge entrance exam.

On the other hand, if I lack this basic knowledge, how will I manage in the course when they expect I know it? Indeed, if I can't learn this, how the fuck can I possibly learn the more advanced stuff?

On the other hand (I have three hands in this instance), it's the Bachelor of Pharmacy. It's altogether possible that it's leaning towards the medical side of things where you don't need to know what a Potassium Permanganate molecule looks like and just need to learn "chemical X does Y to the human body through Z method."

But at any rate, it's left me feeling stupid and worthless, and wondering if I should just give up on Uni and look at drug dealing as a way of getting the money I need. Or working for a living, in the hypothetical situation that I can find a job that will take me and that I can handle.

I was feeling pretty shitty, so today I decided to go play a game of 40K. I entered the General Mayhem campaign (the one that I wrote that battle report for), and it has some interesting rules:
-1 HQ only, and this choice is locked in forever
-850 points
-You can get victory points that can allow the HQ to level up for stat boosts and special rules (Fleet, Fearless etc)
-If the HQ is taken out, roll to see if they take a penalty to a stat or whatever, or die

I played against Orks. Now, the entire Internet - porn sites included - had unanimously warned me that orks are broken. I lost, embarrassingly. So now I have decided to pull out of the campaign (especially seeing as I rolled a penalty to Armour Save. Yeah, the more you lose, the worse you get penalised, the more you lose). Indeed, I am never again playing in singles (non-Apocalypse) games until they release a new Sisters of Battle codex, which will probably be TEN FUCKING YEARS GODDAMN YOU BECAUSE THEY JUST SPEND MOST OF THE TIME SITTING AROUND JACKING PRICES UP AND ONLY EVER RELEASE GODDAMN SPESS MEHRINS TO APPEAL TO THE MAJORITY OF THEIR BUYERS, RICH LITTLE 13 YEAR OLD BOYS WITH OBVIOUS HOMOSEXUAL OBSESSION WITH GIANT MUSCULAR MEN FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

*panting* So now I'll just be playing Apocalypse. Where I can put Genestealers in Land Raiders and just plonk down an entire squadron of Super-Heavies and say "Yeah. Suck on that, bitch." And I am more determined than ever to build a 6' tall Imperator Titan to take to the games, assuring victory.

And at least, as an Australian, I was born understanding guerilla warfare. Make your foe regret their victory, leave them wondering if it was ever worth the victory in the first place. I think he's feeling a bit guilty. WHICH SERVES THE [EDITED] RIGHT.

Anyway, I just needed to get that off my chest. I really hate how things go, sometimes. Now to just take all my codeine and assume that the 4g of parafuckingcetamol daily maximum is a guideline. I mean fuck it, if I die of liver poisoning, at least I'll be a martyr for my cause - the cause of taking that useless poison out of useful, relatively harmless pain medication. And if I DON'T die of it but need to be hospitalised, they might just write me a fucking script for oxycontin.